


How many Noahs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

by PoshDemon (PoshNoah), PoshNoah



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Ark malfunctions, Hilarity Ensues, No pairings - Freeform, Noah family bonding, Noah's Ark, One Big Happy Family, Road is jealous, Silly, The Millennium Earl is the Noah dad, Tyki has a crush on Allen, Tyki is a big grump, Tyki is a dirty hobo, Tyki is close with his hobo friends, lightbulb burns out, the Earl is sick of this shit, though Tyki and Road have a crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 19:49:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9287240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoshNoah/pseuds/PoshDemon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoshNoah/pseuds/PoshNoah
Summary: Tyki is called on by the Millennium Earl for a family gathering. He can feel that the Noah of wisdom is about to awaken and the whole family needs to be there for when it happens.So while waiting for the Earl to show up with Sheryll, the rest of the Noah's have to complete the most difficult task they've ever faced!Replacing a lightbulb!(I had uploaded this on a different platform once but I want to put it on here aswell)





	

The fictional 19th century nears its end...

In a small but busy town located in Portugal, there is a mine that's hiring workers and offering a pay of 200$ at the end of the month. An odd group of three hobos and a child took this job and are now working themselves to the bone trying to make a living. 

One of the working hobos is named Tyki Mikk, Tyki was kind of the ringleader of the group. He has long, dark, shaggy, purple hair, peach skin, loose clothes, large glasses, and a stubbly face.

"Hey Eeze!" yelled Tyki. "I got  
somethin' for ya!"  
The child named Eeze looked over at Tyki.

"Here! Catch!" Tyki tossed a small silver object over to the child. Eeze caught it and looked at the glittering silver thing. It's a button, this isn't the first time Tyki's given him a silver button.

"Wow thanks Tyki!" The small child cheered.

Eeze had short blonde hair, big blue eyes, peach skin, loose clothes and a mask covering his mouth.

"Hey Tyki? Where do you keep getting these? Do you get them from that secret job of yours?" Eeze asked, staring up at Tyki.

Tyki laughed and pet Eeze's head, then put a finger other his lips. 

"That's my secret!" Tyki winked at the boy.

Eeze nodded and scampered away. They all worked for the next few hours before their boss rang the bell and they all went inside.

"Aaahh my neck's killin' me!" Momo sighed as he rubbed his neck.  
Momo had short brown hair, a large nose, peach skin, and loose clothes.

"Shadap you're not the only one!" Clack complained.  
Clack was bald, pale, and wore loose clothes along with a toque to cover up his head.

"Ay chin up guys! We worked hard today!" Tyki tried to lighten the mood.

"Easy for you to say, we do this bullcrap every day. While most of the time you galavant your happy ass elsewhere." Clack commented, looking at Tyki with a silly grin on his face.

"Hey now, that's not fair at all. I ain't got a choice in the matter. My boss is a scary dude. No joke he's a monster." Tyki stated in his purring voice.

"Well if he lets a bum like you help em' out then he can't be all that bright!" Momo joked.

Tyki shrugged, "Eh, maybe."

"Anyway!" Clack started, "How long are ya stayin with us this time Tyki?"

"Well, I just got back and after what happened last time I don't think my boss is gonna be needing me for a few months at least. But then again, what happened might be the reason I won't be able to stay long." Tyki contemplated.

"So..." Clack urged Tyki on.

"Yeah I assume a few months or so! So don't you guys worry your pretty little heads off. Papa Tyki will be stayin here for awhile!" Tyki laughed, pulling Clack, Momo, and Eeze in for an awfully awkward hug.

A few months past and Eeze, Momo, and Clack all slowly began to notice the strange changes in Tyki's behavior since the last time they saw him. Tyki would sometimes start violently twitching, other times he clenched onto his chest and honestly seemed like he was in a lot of pain. They couldn't do much to help Tyki, they didn't exactly have any money for a hospital. And even if they did Tyki wouldn't accept the help anyway. Despite traveling with him for a very long time, they didn't know a whole lot about Tyki Mikk.

Now they all were at their next stop at the train station, headed to their next job. When suddenly the payphone that was available at the station rang. Each one of them knew exactly what that meant. But Eeze went to answer it anyway, despite knowing Tyki would have to leave again.

"Hello?" Eeze asked the caller.

"Ah yes hello there!♥ Could you be so kind as to hand Tyki Mikk the phone?♥" Cooed the odd voice of the man on the other end.

Eeze turned to Tyki and handed him the phone. "It's 'that' guy again."

"Yeah I figured as much." Tyki took the phone from the child and put it up to his ear. "Hey yeah it's Tyki." Tyki stated.

"Tyki-pet!♥ We'll be gathering the whole family in preparation to welcome the new Wisdom!♥ So that means you aswell of course!♥" Said the jolly voice.

Tyki sighed, "Alright."

"Good!♥ Now I'm dealing with Sheryll at the moment.♥ So I'll be having Road pick you up.♥" The voice finished.

"Got it." Was all Tyki said, and he hung up. Then he turned around to face his friends. "Well you all probably guessed but I gotta go!" Tyki claimed. He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.

Momo sighed, "Alright, well we don't wanna hold you up now."

"Yeah, we'll see you next time Tyki!" Clack added.

"Tyki..." started Eeze. The child ran up to the hobo and hugged him, "Come back soon ok!"

Tyki just looked down at the kid through his huge glasses, that basically made it impossible to actually see his eyes. He put his hand on Eeze's head and smiled. "Don't worry kiddo, I'll be back before you know it!"

Tyki was now walking down an alleyway and approached a little girl who was staring at him. The girl had gray skin with black cross-shaped stigma going across her forehead. She had spiky blue hair and large piercing golden eyes. She also wore a white blouse with a big pink ribbon on the front, a dark purple skirt that went down to her mid thigh, a pair of black dress shoes, and tall pink and purple striped, thigh high, stockings underneath. She was also holding a pink lollipop, and had a pile of black clothes tucked under her arm.

"Hey Tyki." The girl greeted Tyki bluntly.

"Hey Road." Tyki replied, just as blunt.

Then Tyki's skin began to turn gray, and black cross-shaped stigma appeared on his forehead, and his eyes became gold, just like the little girl. He took off his glasses to reveal the beauty mark underneath his right eye.

"Lord Millennium said to make sure that you didn't go see the family dressed like a hobo." Road stated, as she handed Tyki the pile of black clothes.

Tyki got changed into the clothes. Now he was wearing a black tuxedo with matching black dress pants. His once messy hair was now nicely combed, but was still in a low ponytail. He wore white gloves, black dress shoes, and he topped it all off by placing a tall black top hat upon his head.

"Alright, I just hope Wisdom will live up to his name and have half a brain. I need someone else to talk to besides Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass." Tyki complained as he lit a cigarette.

"Tisk, tisk Tyki! The Earl also told me to make sure you keep your language in check. According to him..." Road then cleared her throat and made her voice sound gruff yet silly to try and imitate the Earl. "♥No Noah in my family should speak so indecently!♥"

Tyki quirked an eyebrow and smirked, "What, is he my old man now or somethin?" He joked.

"Nu-uh Tyki! Try again!" Road scolded him.

"Oh I'm sorry! I meant to say... What? Does our Lord Millennium think he's my father now? How silly!" Tyki corrected himself.

Road smirked, "much better! He would probably prefer you not to smoke either, but I guess it doesn't matter with that ability of yours" she commented.

"Ha, it does come in handy for some pretty mundane things, I must admit!" Tyki grinned. "Anyway let's go then! I haven't gotten a chance to view the new Ark yet so this will be a treat!"

Road turned around and suddenly a large heart shaped, red and black checkered door, with a crown on top of it appeared out of thin air. The door swung open and the two Noahs walked through. Once they entered the door, it disappeared. Tyki and Road were now in a huge beautiful city built entirely out of smooth white marble.

"Huh, you know it looks rather similar to the old Ark? I guess the Earl didn't want to give it a new look?" Tyki commented while scanning the huge city.

"Nope! And personally I like this look as well!" Road replied. She then turned to Tyki, "Also I forgot to mention. Lord Millennium has been really stressed out since the Fourteenth spoke to us that one time. So we need to be on our best behavior! Be good little boys and girls for our dear Millennie!"  
Road actually sounded genuine this time. She never seemed to joke around whenever the name 'Fourteenth' appeared in any conversation.

Tyki chuckled a bit. "That's rich coming from you! But yes I understand. The Fourteenth coming back into the picture is bad news for all of us." Tyki looked down and felt a strange uneasiness in his stomach, and he smiled slightly. "But... No matter how much I hate him, damn I don't think I could ever hate the boy."

Road looked at Tyki and pouted. "BAD TYKI! YOU ALWAYS GET TOO CLOSE TO ALLEN! WALKER IS MINE! MINE, MINE, MINE!" Road threw a fit and hit Tyki on the head over and over.

"OW, OW, OW, OKAY ROAD!" Tyki yelped. "Ugh! Watever! Let's just go meet up with the others!" Tyki scoffed, rubbing the area on the side of his head that Road had been pounding.

"Humph! Alright, Fiidora, Mightra, Lulubelle, Mercym, Tryde, and Jasdevi are here already!" Road huffed as she marched towards one of the buildings. She walked through the door that said 'DINE' on it in bold letters. 

Road and Tyki entered the building and saw all the other Noahs that Road had listed off, sitting at a dinner table. Tyki sat down in the seat right next to the largest chair, this is where he would always sit, right beside the Millennium Earl. Road sat down in her usual spot aswell, on the other side of Tyki.

"HeeEEEeey! Look who finally showed up!" Devit snickered from across the table.

"It's Tyki! It's Tyki! Hee hee!" Jasdero added next to Devit.

Tyki just rolled his eyes, "Hello to you too Jasdevi." Tyki sighed.

"You two should really not talk to Tyki right now." Road added in before Jasdevi had a chance to talk.  
"He doesn't seem to be in that good of a mood at the moment, and you guys fighting would upset Lord Millennium."

Jasdevi didn't say anything after this. Tyki in a bad mood is fun to pick on, but the Earl is scary! So instead they just argued to themselves, pointing their golden pistols at each other's heads. Meanwhile Tyki took out a deck of cards and turned to Fiidora who was across from him.

"Hey Fiidora! Would you care to play cards?" Tyki asked with a small smile on his face. But Fiidora shook his head.

"Sorry Tyki, I don't play. Also even if I did, I know you well Tyki, you never play fair." Fiidora muttered, trying to speak without opening his mouth too much. Because sometimes when he talks with his mouth open too wide his tongue eyes fall out, and nobody wants that.

Tyki pouted at this rejection and he put his cards away.  
'The boy would play with me.' Tyki thought to himself as he rested his head on his hand.

They all remained waiting for the Earl to show up with Sheryll. It was taking quite a while and Tyki got impatient.

"Seriously! What the hell is taking Sheryll so damn long!" Tyki growled through his gritted teeth.

"Papa has a lot of political thingys that he needs to do. Give him time it can't be easy for him." Road answered while poking a pencil at a notebook.

Tyki loved his dear older brother Sheryll, he really did! But he was constantly having to put up with that creeps antics and now he's making him wait for what felt like FOREVER!

'It's bad enough my scars have been KILLING me! But-' Tyki's thoughts were interrupted by Road placing a hand on his arm.

"Tyki? Are you ok? Is it the scar Allen gave you?" Road asked sincerely.

Tyki hadn't noticed until now but his own face had twisted into a sadistic grin. A grin that he would normally wear when his sanity had reached its limit. His eyes were bloodshot and his teeth were sharp, yes Tyki looked like a madman. He tried to calm himself down so Road wouldn't worry.

"Sorry I... Just got a little... Excited, that's all. Nothing to worry about really!" Tyki lied. But Road wasn't buying it. But before she could say anything about it, the lights went out.

"...HOW!" Tyki yelled, confused out of his mind. "HOW CAN THE POWER GO OUT IN THE ARK?! IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE POWER!" Tyki was clearly upset by this.

"Now now Tyki. This Ark is brand new after all, it's going to have a few problems here and there." Road assured him. "And it's not a power outage, the light burnt out. I guess someone just needs to change the light bulb." 

And thus it begins!

"Tyki should do it! Hee hee! He's the one that can fly! Hee!" Jasdero exclaimed. 

Tyki was normally fairly calm, but there was something about Jasdevi that always got on his nerves.

"Well I'm also not the one who is capable of making anything that pops into my imagination." Tyki snarked at the other. "It would take an instant for the two of you to do it!"

Jasdero had a look of astoundment on his face. "Hee! Devit! What should we do? Hee!" He asked his brother.

"I don't know Jasdero..." Devit replied. The two just stared at each other for a moment. Then they whipped around at Tyki.

"SHUT UP TYKI THIS IS YOUR JOB! NOT JASDEVI'S!" They screamed in unison.

Meanwhile Lulubelle had already gotten up to the light bulb. She had turned into a bat to fly up there, and so she could see in the pitch black of the lightless room. But now she was having a bit of trouble with getting the light bulb unscrewed.

"Allright Lulu! You can do it!" Cheered Mightra, who had kept silent until now.

Unfortunately the bulb was fumbling between her small bat hands and she dropped it. It fell and smashed right on Tyki's head. Or it would have if Tyki had been anyone else. But since it was Tyki the bulb just phased right through him and smashed on the ground instead. 

"Whoops! That's fine though, Jasdevi make a new light bulb and I'll clean this up!" Tyki commanded them as he started picking up the shards of glass. No matter how much of a bad mood that scar on his chest put him in, he was always willing to help dear Lulu.

"Allright! Jasdero, NOW!" Devit yelled. Then both him and Jasdero shot their golden pistols at the same time. There was a poof then a pile of light bulbs appeared. Mightra walked over and picked one up, then he threw it at Lulubelle.

"WAIT YOU SHOULDN-" Tyki tried to stop him but he was a tad too late. The light bulb hit Lulubelle in the head and she fell out of the air.

"OH CRAP!" Mightra yelled.

"Ha! You dun goofed!" Devit laughed at him.

"I'll catch you Miss. Lulu!" Tyki exclaimed and he jumped up to catch her. But when she landed in his arms she had become abnormally heavy, like, Really heavy. 

Lulu had now turned herself into the Earl at the last second, causing Tyki to squeal in fright.

"DEAR GOD!" Tyki yelled as he dropped Lulu. "Why the hell?!" he asked, a little shaken up.

Lulu, who was still the Earl, stood up. "♥I figured changing into Lord Millennium would cushion the fall.♥ Why?♥ Did it scare you Tyki-pet?♥" she asked in the Earl's voice.

"He screamed like a pansy! Hee hee!" Jasdero laughed from the other side of the room.

"Guys!" Road called out to them. "A little help here!" she was standing on Fiidora's shoulders, and Fiidora was standing on a chair that was on top of the table. She had a light bulb in her hands and was trying to reach the ridiculously high ceiling.  
Mightra climbed onto the table and lifted up the chair, trying to get Road a bit closer to the ceiling.

'This is so stupid,' Tyki thought to himself. 'I could easily end this by taking the light bulb and flying up there right now...... NAH! That would be boring!' 

So Tyki decided he would not help his fellow Noah, but instead watch them struggle. A grin appeared on his face.

"Hey Jasdevi will help too!" yelled the Devit and Jasdero. As they climbed up the tower of staggering Noah's, and tried taking the bulb from Road.

"HEY STOP IT!" Road yelled at them while trying to keep her balance. 

Tyki watched in amusement. He loved his family, but he also loved a good show! And not helping Road would be payback for beating him up over Allen. It was one thing if she hit him over him wanting to cut his hair, or him refusing to play her twisted games, but the boy was something they all had to share! 

By now Tryde and Mercym were trying to help too, but Lulubelle remained next to Tyki, still imitating the form of the Earl.

"Tyki...♥" she started, slowly turning towards him.

"Yes?" Tyki replied not really paying attention to her, but rather the scene before him.  
But that quickly changed when he felt her grab him by the collar and throw him at the tower.

"Let's help too!♥" She exclaimed, as she walked over to the tower to help out. Tyki who had been so violently thrown, was now clinging onto Fiidora, the first Noah he could hang on to after he had been flung.

"Tyki! Let go I won't be able to suppo-ahlp yuwwllowlee" Fiidora tried to speak but of course his mouth was open to wide and his tongue fell out. The slimy thing hung out of his mouth and poor unfortunate Tyki had his face right next to Fiidora's. So he was getting slimed by Fiidora's creepy eyeball-covered tongue.

Tyki was also in a bit of shock, so he just hung onto Fiidora and suffered through getting licked by the parasite tongue, instead of just having it phase through him.  
He also didn't think to do this because Tyki is stupid. No matter how much Tyki pretends to be smarter than the others, the truth is Tyki might actually be the least intelligent of all the Noahs, with the exception of Jasdevi of course.

After a lot of screaming and staggering. Road actually managed to reach the socket for the light bulb! But when she did. She realized there's a small problem.  
The issue the problem caused wasn't small, no, no, no, the issue was about as small as the Millennium Earl.  
The small thing about the problem was that the bulb itself wasn't big enough.

"No..." Road whispered in despair. And they all came crashing down.

Meanwhile...

Somewhere in Portugal the Millennium Earl was helping Sheryll finish up the last of his paperwork. 

The Earl was also in his rarely seen human form, which was much more pleasing to the eyes than the strange, fat, grotesque 'Earl' form he normally wore. Also easier on the ears due to him lacking his usual ridiculous voice.

"I really appreciate all the help Lord Millennium!" Sheryll told the Earl as he placed the papers in their respective files.

"Oh you're quite welcome Sheryll! I just hope we haven't kept the others waiting too long!" the Earl replied. 

He picked up his umbrella and stood up. "Now let's get going, Tyki-pet will be cross with me if we're running even later than we already are." 

The Earl opened the Ark then him and Sheryll jumped in.

They arrived inside the Ark and the Earl changed into his usual appearance. They walked into the dining room letting the outside light fill the pitch black area. 

The Earl wasn't quite sure what he was looking at, everything was a mess. The table was broken in half, there was a pile of broken light bulbs on the floor, Mercym was curled up in a ball and rocking back and forth, and Tryde was crushed under the table. Jasdevi was laying unconscious on top of... the Earl who was probably Lulubelle, while Lulubelle was also unconscious on top of Mightra. Fiidora was on top of Tyki and appeared to have a few eyes missing from his tongue. Those missing eyes were on Tyki who was curled up, shivering, and covered in slime.  
And last but not least, Road was sitting in the middle of all this, holding a broken light bulb and a look of despair on her face.

"... ... ...What?♥️" was all the Earl could say.

"RROOAAAD!" Cried Sheryll as he ran over to his adopted daughter.  
"WHAT HAPPENED ROAD?!" He pleaded. Road just stared off into space.

"Th-th-th-th-th-the l-l-light bu-bulb burnt... Burnt out." Tyki shuddered out, traumatized by having Fiidora's parasites cover him.

"An Ark malfunction I assume.♥️ But how did this..." The Earl couldn't even finish his sentence, because he already knew. He sighed and took off his top hat, revealing the horns on his head. Then he reached into his hat, pulled out a light bulb, and put his hat back on. He opened his umbrella and flew up to the light socket and screwed in the lightbulb, he tapped the bulb and the room lit up. 

The Earl landed on the ground and shook his head.  
"♥️I really hope we don't have problems like this when Wisdom awakens.♥️"

"So how many Noah's did it take to screw that in exactly?" Sheryll asked. 

The answer: Only one because the Millennium Earl has to fix everything afterwards since the other Noah's can't do their jobs.

And with that, Tyki whimpered, and Road fainted.


End file.
